More tranny stories later!
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
