Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize