So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Randomize
