So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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