the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
