My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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