That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
