I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
