drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize