I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize