Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
