hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
