did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
