Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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