anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
