I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
