i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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