If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
