nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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