Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
