DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
