So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
