Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
