if i died would you start the facebook group?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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