I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
