Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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