im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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