Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Watching her eat just hurts me
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
