Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
