420 ftw
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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