Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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