Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
