I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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