The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
