i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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