was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
