I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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