Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
