And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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