you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
