Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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