Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
