I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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