That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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