I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
