I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
