Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm passing your future prison.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
