I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
