Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
