...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Pants are for mortals
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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