1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
