In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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