I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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