Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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