If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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