I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
