I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
