He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
