moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
