I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he laminated a picture of his dick.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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