OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
