I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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