hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
