and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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