Duck Duck Cougar?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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