i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
