I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
