if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
do herpes really smell.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
