I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
