I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just pee around me
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
