you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
