does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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