I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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