you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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