if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
