Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
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